Why my marriage is more important than a one night stand
We live in a world that often portrays affairs to be mysterious, amazing, rebellious and something to be fantasised about. All you have to do is watch a series on Netflix, listen to the radio or look online to find out that affairs are put in the limelight and often glorified. It appears that having a high sex count is something to be proud of. There seems to be less of a desire for a long term marriage and a greater desire to have a short term affair. My question is, what are the long term ramifications of living like this? Is finding someone that you love and care about, getting married and literally spending your whole life with them old fashioned? I'm definitely not a marriage expert and don't claim to be one, but I thought I'd share some of my thoughts on why my marriage is more important than a one night stand.
1. We will be old and wrinkly together one day. That's a life full of memories!
I married my high school sweetheart. She was the first girl I held hands with, first girl I kissed, first girl I dated and the only girl I’ve slept with. My sex count is one and I want it to stay that way. When playing sport guys would boast about how high their sex count was, when they found out mine was one it would blow them away. The way I see it, that number one is pretty special to me. Tayla is my one. She is the one for me, I don’t want any other girl and I want her to be my wife til the day I die.
Tayla is the girl of my dreams! It may sound “old fashioned” but I really mean this when I say it, I want to grow old with Tayla. One day she will be wrinkly and frail but she will still be my one. The idea that my life will be filled with memories of Tayla by my side gets me so excited. Every key moment in my life Tayla will be a part of, she is my life partner but better yet she is my wife!
Marriage is special and I don’t take it lightly the commitment I have made to Tayla. When I said til death do us part, I meant it. It scares me how quickly marriages fall apart and every day I’m praying for the grace of God to sustain us and protect our marriage. We desperately need Jesus in our marriage. Here’s the truth - our marriage is full of two broken people, who are not perfect, who have many faults but are trying their best to make it work.
2. A moment of pleasure could ruin a marriage full of pleasure.
Can I get really honest for a moment? There are times when I don’t “feel” like loving Tayla. There are times when she makes me really angry. There are even times when I don’t like her. There are times when a thought pops into my mind that makes me wish I was with someone else. My life is full of moments of weakness and I am far from perfect, however, I have learned to not make life changing decisions out of emotion.
You see it’s easy to let our emotions rule our lives. In a moment of weakness, it would be easy to go with what feels good. It may feel like a good idea to go down to the club, find a cute girl, fool around with her and get some sort of momentary pleasure. The idea of doing that seems awesome when you've just had a massive fight with your wife. But that one moment of pleasure has a life time of implications for me.
The world seems to accept that cheating isn’t that bad, an affair is okay and a one night stand is totally acceptable. But can I make a stand and say that a life time of marriage is far greater than a moment of pleasure. Sure all marriages have their moments of rockiness but let’s keep our eyes on the bigger picture. There have honestly been been times in my life where a desire to watch porn, text a girl or do something that would hurt my marriage has appeared. But I don't want to let my emotions determine the way I live.
3. We desperately need the grace of God to have a healthy marriage.
The truth is I’m human and humans are not perfect, only Jesus is! So what do I do in those moments of weakness? I call a friend and tell them I’m struggling, I change my environment (go exercise, go get a coffee and mix things us) and most importantly I pray. By the grace of God I have not done anything major that has hurt my marriage but I’m not stupid enough to think that I can do it on my own. I have close mates who love me enough, to ask me how I’m really doing and to have boundaries in place to make sure I don’t cross that fatal line. I do not write the article as an expert on marriage but I do write it as a guy who isn't afraid to say I'm not perfect and have surrounded my self with men who love me enough to ask the tough questions and have my back.
Instead of pursuing a moment of pleasure down at the club why don’t we pursue a marriage full of pleasure. Yes at times we will argue and not get along but don’t buy into the ridiculous idea that you have to have an affair, watch porn or flirt with someone else to find that pleasure. We must protect our marriages and fight for them.
Let's aim to have marriages that thrive, are full of fun and embrace the journey that we are all on together! A healthy marriage takes work, we are only just getting started but I've learned very quickly that I'm called to love and serve my wife. She is a precious gift to me and I desire to be the best husband possible to her. We both are putting in the work to make sure we have a healthy marriage, are asking people to speak into our marriage and are not living in isolation but have a great community around us who we do life together with.
WHAT IF YOU’RE NOT MARRIED?
What an exciting season of life you are in right now. Prepare yourself for that day in which you will be married. Don’t buy into the lie that you have to have a high number of people you’ve slept with and that you have to try before you buy. Saving yourself for marriage is very special. Knowing that Tayla is the only girl I’ve been with and I’m the only guy she’s been with is pretty amazing for the both of us. So friend fight the good fight, run from temptation and surround yourself with people who can speak into your life.
What if you've crossed that line?
Friend if you’ve crossed that line and pursued a moment of pleasure, could I encourage you to bring this to light? I don’t speak as an expert but I do know that there is nothing worse than keeping that secret in the dark. Turn on the lights metaphorically, share your weakness with a pastor, mentor or someone who speaks into your life. Sit with a counselor and work through this. Don’t hide in any longer. There is grace for you but don't live out of pride but humbly admit your need for help.
What if your partner has crossed that line?
Friend if your partner has pursued that moment of pleasure my heart breaks for you. It sounds arrogant to say, but I’m sorry. You are not any lesser and you are relentlessly loved by your Father in Heaven. Could I encourage you to also to seek wise counsel in how to move forward, talk to you pastor, mentor or person who speaks into your life. Most importantly don’t suffer quietly, find a support network and I’m believing for a work of restoration to take place.